Some times it wells up in me so strongly I feel like I can't breathe. I want so badly for these children to have a family and more importantly to know Christ. I confuse sometimes saving them today and saving them eternally. I know what one really matters however, their earthly life so disturbs me. I wish I had used my time when I was younger more wisely. So many of the famlies adopting are younger and able to do more. I see the limitations of Jim and I's age. The limitations of the decisions we have made. It burns in my heart sometimes so much I can't sleep.
I think if only we had saved more and could buy a bigger house. If only we had adopted younger and could bring home more children. If only.... then....my sweet savior comes to give me rest. He is in control. NOT ME. He is their savior too. He cares more then I can or ever will. Trust me He says. My way is perfect. He will move the hearts of His people to do His will. He has determined the outcome before the creation of the earth.
I ask you dear reader that when I sound harsh or preachy. When I make you think I'm trying to force you into something or make you feel guilty to please be patient with me. Children are my passion. I don't do it right but I love, love , love caring for children. I know you do to. That is why you read this blog. That is why you adopt, or support adoption, or pray for orphans.
Passion is a funny thing. It is what makes you do what you do and sometimes it is contagious. My passion for adoption came from my mom who never adopted, but always wanted to. It grows from my children who are amazing and make me want more and more. It rests in my Savior who makes my passion glorify Him. He gives us the desires of our heart. Thanks to Pam.... I get that verse. He doesn't fulfill the desire....He actually gives it to us. He determines it. It is His desire!!
That my friends is a beautiful thing.
A beautiful post from a beautiful mama who has her motives in the right place!!!
ReplyDeleteAnother post I could have written! I often wish our lives had worked out different and we could have started sooner too but you are right about it all. There are plenty older waiting chldren that I would love to adopt next! There is plenty of time and though our house isn't as big as would be nice, there is always room for more!
ReplyDeleteSarah and Barb....kindred hearts. So thankful for God's spirit in both of you.
ReplyDeleteLove your heart Sherrie! I couldn't agree more. I've had these exact thoughts myself, lying awake late into the night, thinking of how much more we could have done if we had only realized... But at least we know now. And if we'd done it all a decade ago, who would be there for my children and Judah now? These are the ones He had in mind for us :) And I hope & pray He he's not done with us yet! ;)
ReplyDeleteYou're not harsh at all... I've seen harsh, and it is not you! Since the beginning of your adoption process, you've devoted a great deal of time advocating for children that still need families. I don't think the past matters as much as what you do in the present, and what you can do in the future. You have a beautiful heart, my friend, and I think what you're doing now is wonderful! ♥
ReplyDeleteThanks all of you. I wasn't expecting encouragement but I do appreciate it. Sarah, Vera, Barb and Sherry, you all have the same desires and I love that about all of you. The children that have been posted lately are really hard to leave behind. Alexis, Tyler, Laurel, Sonny...and so many more! We'll just keep praying!
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